bio caddy

My marriage started off very bad, my last relationship before my husband was really bad lots of domestic violence and I felt that I had to be careful to not freak this man out ever, if he knew that I was talking to another man (my husband now) he would have beat me up and taken our son. Take in my mind at that time in my last relationship, we both lived in different states and I was not with him but I was so scared of him, I had to make him feel that everything was ok, I had to be very discreet, after I was with my husband, my husband was not trusting he knew all about my last relationship I told me. He would call me all kinds of names and was very suspicious; he even had our house set up to record my calls while he was not home. My husband has called me names off and on the whole marriage. After 2 years of marriage we had a fallen out. We have been married for 5 years now he is 45 and I am 30;

About 4 years ago we had a huge fight he called me names, told me to leave, and gave me a little money. I was gone on his doing and my doing, he told me to leave with my young boys and I moved in with my girlfriend. During that time I had went to lunch with someone and he kissed me, I had met this married man a few weeks before me and my husband had our falling out. This man had given me his number a few weeks before our fallen out on a camping trip that the school had for the kids, I was a chaperon so was this man. The next week after the camping trip I went over to my girlfriends and called this man that weekend looking for kindness, support and a male’s point of view about why my husband was the way he is. After I was gone a couple weeks later after that weekend when I first called this man, my husband found out that I was out with this man and filed for divorce. I decided to go back to him to try and make it work. I was gone out of the house and felt like I was not coming back. But my husband still holds on to that and does not trust me. My good friend told me he will never trust you.

About 3 months ago my husband had admitted to putting up a personal add online because he wanted to see what was out there! He paid $100.00 to put up an add on yahoo personals and chat with other women. I was very hurt about that but chose to let it go and still trust him because a marriage can't survive without trust. Why would he want to see whets out there? Is he just not into me? I understand that when I left him I went to lunch with another man and he kissed me but I was gone and we were not together but what he did was while we were together and I thought everything was fine I had no idea he was doing this behind my back. I don't understand why he would do that while he was with me.

Recently I found my male cousin who I grew up with and lived with for years when we were kids, I talk with him daily by phone or text, my husband freaks out, he thinks we have something going on romantically this is sick, why would my husband act this way about my male cousin who is my age and married?

I feel like he has major trust issues and I need that to change in order to stay in this marriage. I am very concerned that our marriage is doomed and I need some advice as to if there is anything I can do to get him to trust me?